


What the heart wants

by Deanpala



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Consent Issues, Guilt, LITERALLY, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, No Smut, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29051721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanpala/pseuds/Deanpala
Summary: Martin’s guilt churns in his stomach every time he wants something.OrI like the bright sessions, and I like martin with mind control, so I decided “what if someone who wasn’t garbage had Damiens power.” And then I made this.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 18
Kudos: 115
Collections: tma is an office comedy - tma fics (read)





	1. Prologue

When he’s little there isn’t a lot Martin wants. No more than any other kid anyway, just time with family and toys and occasional vacations.

When Martin wants however, it is detrimental. His father looses his job from all the time off he takes to spend with him and they didn’t have a lot of money to start with because of the gifts.

And so, when his father leaves, it’s with no forewarning, in the middle of the night, so that Martin can’t know to want to come with him.

He wants and wants and wants for him to come back, but that’s not how it works. Wherever he is, he’s not close enough to have to listen anymore.

Sometimes, when he first gets home from school, he isn’t thinking about how home life is, his mother yells at him for pushing dad away, and he hates it, he feels so guilty because she’s right but he can’t help but want her to be nicer to him. He spends days not saying a word to try and avoid making her do anything, tries to stop having preferences and desires, but it doesn’t change anything because it doesn’t matter if he says it or if he knows he shouldn’t have it, because he WANTS it, so she wants it to.

It at least comes in useful when she gets sick, because the landlords are convinced they want them to live there, and cashiers that he paid for the food he took.

When he turns seventeen he can’t take it anymore. His mother asks him everyday what’s wrong, and he tells her to leave him alone but she doesn’t because he doesn’t actually want her too, and the guilt eats him up inside.

So he puts her into a home, where she isn’t stuck with him. The problem with this of course is that since he isn’t there he can’t make them allow her to stay, so he looks for a job. When he sees the Magnus institute is hiring he is so excited, because maybe they know what’s wrong with him, how to cure him.

And he falls in love a bit eventually. He wants to smack himself in the face for not immediately quitting because he knows he can’t have any relationships he can trust, anything where he can know for certain that they are willingly nice to him, but Jon is... he’s MEAN to Martin. Not when Martin is there usually because he can’t help wanting to be liked, but he listens to the tapes, hears him seething and it’s nice to have someone who he knows feels somethingabout him because that’s just how they feel. He doesn’t know if he’s ever experienced that before.

So he does his best to change Jon’s opinion of him the natural way. He avoids him, and does the best work he can, and steals the tapes to listen if it’s changed anything.

It doesn’t, so he ups his efforts, which gets him trapped by Prentiss, and he’s to scared to get close to enough to want her to go away.


	2. Log

Jon insists he stay at the Archives. He tries to refuse of course, being around him long term can’t be good for anyone, and he can stay wherever he wants, no place would turn him away.

But.... he doesn’t know how to explain that to Jon without revealing himself, and he could try to want Jon to drop the subject, forget about it, but if he’s honest he’s not sure he can. HeLIKES the fact Jon is concerned about him, even if it’s probably forcing him to be. And even if he could, he refuses to use his... thing.... on purpose. He’s not that kind of person, he won’t do that to someone.

—————-

There’s only one time he’s ever tempted to leave. Jon does as he is prone to do, and stays till almost midnight.

“Jon? What are you still doing here, shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, sleeping at home or something?”

“Hmm?”

Jon looks up at him and stands, hair frenzied, bags under his eyes, and looking like he’s going to collapse any second, and Martin can’t keep a wave of fondness from blooming.

Jon wraps his arms around Martin’s neck, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

Martin makes a choked sound and his body fills with panic.

This is- he’s made people do horrible things before, never on purpose, but this is the worst. He wants to cry with the frustration and revulsion he feels at himself.

Jon pulls away, face ashen.

“I’m sorry I- I don’t- that was extremely inappropriate, I don’t know what got into me.”

Martin lets out a world weary sigh. It’s not fair that Jons the one apologizing, that he can’t ask forgiveness for forcing Jon to do it.

“It’s- you’re fine Jon just... go home and get some rest yeah? We’ll act like it never happened.”

“Right.”

He shouldn’t be around Jon but....

After this, he knows he can’t leave. He has to find a way to keep something like that from happening again.

He has to.

———————

Things go... mostly back to normal for awhile. He tries to avoid Jon as much as he can, to avoid any feelings, and tries to learn meditations to control his feelings which don’t really work very well with desire? 

Jon calls him into his office and looks... afraid, and Martin tries not to tense up.

“Martin,” he says “I just found a statement.”

“Um... okay?”

“It was about you. Your father apparently gave it.”

Shit. Shit shit SHIT.

He hates this. He wants to melt into the floor or something, this is not something he wants to know about.

But... as much as he doesn’t want Jon or anyone else to know, to be afraid of him, he desperately wants to be able to tell someone. It’s miserable to have a secret you can’t tell anyone, and maybe the guilt will lessen if he doesn’t have to lie all the time.

Jon is of course tongue tied, caught between Martin’s desire to not be here and to tell, which means it’s up to him. 

“I uh- yeah. I might know what that’s about. It’s all... well it’s true. I’m guessing you want some more details?”

“Yes.”

“Right then. It might... well he left when I was little, I didn’t understand it as well then, it might be easier if you start with what you know, or maybe just ask some questions? It’ll certainly make it easier to explain for me anyway.”

“Right then. I guess the most pressing question is if you’ve been mind controlling us.”

“A bit? It’s uh- it’s complicated.”

“And how frequently have you been... making us do things “a bit?””

Martin winces at this. 

“Um.... all the time?”

“Right okay, this is- I need you to explain yourself. Now. What have you been making us do?”

“I- anything I want? That’s- it sounds bad I know, just let me... give me a moment to explain. Please.”

He mostly asks as a formality, because he knows he isn’t going to allow Jon to leave, but he’d feel bad if he didn’t at least PRETEND he could. It would be rude to do otherwise.

Jon looks ready to bolt, his entire body tensed, but he nods and allows Martin to speak.

“It’s um.... something I’ve always been able to do. Or well, not able, that would imply having options otherwise but it’s- I can’t help it. It’s not exactly mind control, I’m not forcing anyone to do anything, I don’t even really have say over it myself it’s just... a desire. If I want something, anyone I’m... around, they also want it for me.”

“And you can just make people do whatever?”

“No I ah- ok it’s like... we’re having this conversation right now right? And logically, if I could actually control you, I would just make you forget about the statement, because that’s safer, but because I’m dying to tell SOMEONE, I can’t do that. I have to actually genuinely want it, I can’t just think about how it would be better if something happened in a certain way.”

Jon sits there for a minute taking it in, then opens and closes his mouth a few times like he wants to say something but isn’t sure if he should.

“Was- is that what that kiss was about a few weeks ago?”

Martin’s entire face heats up. He forgot that might be a thing Jon would mention.

“God I’m- fuck. Yeah I- I’m really sorry about that I would never intentionally force someone to do something like that and as soon as it happened I wanted you to stop I’m- I understand if you want to fire me. I mean I’ve tried to just... not want that in general and the actual kiss horrified me a bit that I was making you do that so it’s less... I can’t not feel, but that won’t happen again, and I’ve been making sure that no other feelings would spill over to you as much as I can. I- if you have more questions about that specifically just email those to me and I’ll answer, I don’t know if I can- if I’ll be able to stop wanting to change the topic. Which we should do because I feel absolutely rubbish that I’m- well. Was there anything else you had questions about?”

Jon glares at him and Martin shrinks in on himself a bit, making Jon stop glaring which just makes Martin feel worse.

“Hey, no it’s fine, I shouldn’t-“

The attempts at assurance cause Martin to panic, and he tries to wave Jon off.

“No, no don’t- I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to make you-“ he takes a deep breath to try and steady himself. “You don’t have to reassure me, you have every right to be angry or whatever.”

Jon is starting to look panicked himself at the clear manipulation.

“Can you just- is there anything I can do to... stop that.”

Martin lets out a thoughtful hum.

“Huh. I never thought about that.”

“You never thought that controlling people’s minds is something they’d want to stop?” He asks incredulously.

“No no, not- I’ve never told anyone what I was doing to them before, I’ve just been trying to see what I can do on my end to stop controlling people, but that’s- I didn’t even think that you might be able to avoid it yourself in the short term!” Martins building steam now, getting excited at the prospect that there might actually be a way that at least one person won’t be just... some weird reflection of him. “I mean, no one was supposed to know about it it was just my parents, and I couldn’t ever ask what it felt like for them because they didn’t want to talk to me willingly and when around them I’d make them be nice to me but now I can actually start finding things out! We can- we can experiment and you’ll actually be SAFE-“

He’s so incredibly giddy to the point he feels hysteric. Jon finding out might be the best thing that’s ever happened to him, might let him have one normal relationship where he isn’t controlling everything, even if the other person in it hates him. 

“I’m glad you have a vested interest in not mind controlling me but could you tell me how?” Jon sounds almost amused.

“Well I guess uh..... distance plays a role in it. I can only affect you if you’re physically near by, it doesn’t work through the phone or anything, so you can always leave the room if you want to make sure your desires are your own, or we could talk just standing pretty far apart, that might work. Maybe just asking yourself why you want something would help?”

“Wait, it doesn’t work when you’re not with them? Then how does... I’m almost certain you’ve forced me to go home before, how does that work since I’ve left? Have you been stalking me?”

“No, god no it’s..... okay, like if I wanted you to get me a cup of tea, you’d have the desire in your head, and leave to do it yeah? When you leave the room I’m not making you do it anymore, but it doesn’t just magically go away. You could realize halfway there “wait a second why am I doing this I don’t know why I’d want to do that,” or something and turn around, but most people don’t really think about their desires that way, and if you were already halfway to the kitchen, might as well do what you got up to do right?”

“So it’s not that you’re making me at that point, it’s that it was already on my mind.”

“Yeah! Yes that exactly.”

“Alright. And it’s just... a want?”

“Yeah.”

Jon stares at him for an uncomfortably long moment.

“You know I quit smoking.”

“What?”

“Yeah it was... it was difficult, because both your brain and your body get to the point where they tell you nothing else matters but getting a cigarette right then, and you have to ignore both of them.”

Martin’s eyes widen in realization.

“Fuck, you- you’re right I didn’t even think about the fact that just because you want to do something doesn’t mean you HAVE to. I’m just telling you what to do, maybe you could just. NOT.”

Jon looks a bit nervous, but he’s excited just as much as martin is.

“I’m- ok, try and make me do something.”

“Alright uh....”

Jon is halfway through bringing his cup to his lips when he stops himself, and Martin lets out a triumphant sound of joy so loud that he knocks himself out of his own chair.

—————

The experiments... do something at least. They aren’t as useful as they had hoped, only short term resistance works, and Jon often can only realize he’s being manipulated about half the time after the fact, or avoid it if he’s in basically a constant state of frantic paranoia, but the problem with that is it still isn’t healthy in anyway and Martin HATES seeing Jon so suspicious and paranoid, so he still ends up doing half of it anyway because Martin makes him stop being paranoid.

But still. It’s worlds better than anything he’s had before.

..... Martin does feel a bit guilty that he keeps sending Tim and Sasha away during their tests. He doesn’t want anyone to find out, and he likes getting to be alone with Jon, but even if all he’s doing is making them go out for lunch, it doesn’t feel right.

Not like there’s anything he can do about it though.

One thing that is both upsetting and very comforting to him however, is Jon’s interactions with spiders. Martin adores them, but no matter his feelings, Jon always kills them, every time.

He can’t help his curiosity, and before he knows it he’s asking Jon questions.

“Why are the spiders different? Like, what is it about them that makes you feel so strongly that you can over ride what I want?”

“I think it’s in part because your whole... influence, that I feel so strongly. When I was-“ he bites his lip “no, that’s none of your business.”

Martin shrinks in on himself a bit at this.

“Right, sorry.”

There’s a long moment of silence, which Martin is sure Jon’s using to fight the desire to tell him anything.

Jon uses the moment to kill a spider on the bookshelf with extreme prejudice.

The shelf and wall break, and with them, all hell.

——————-

They end up trapped in a small storage closet together, which is.... not great. He can’t get away from Jon in here, and he’s too panicked to have a good hold of his emotions.

Having to pull worms out of Jon doesn’t help either, but at least he listens when Martin wants him to sit still.

“I can’t help but notice that you aren’t covered in worms.”

“Yes, because I didn’t run back into them Jon! Why would you do that?!”

“I had to grab the tape recorder.”

“What? Why I- I thought you hated them?”

“I did- do, I just- I can’t be another mystery. This place is overflowing with them and I refuse to become one.”

“Thought you didn’t believe in the supernatural.”

Jon gives him a flat look.

“We’ve been having anti mind control practice for weeks.”

“Obviously. Sorry.”

Jon let’s out a sigh and leans toward Martin, who quickly leans away.

“Maybe it would be best if you stayed away from me right now.”

Jon scoffs.

“Rooms hardly big enough for that is it?”

“I guess I just- I try to avoid extended periods in small spaces with people for uh- obvious reasons. Don’t really have an option this time.”

They sit there quietly for a moment as Martin tries to parse out what he wants so he can tell what to look out for in Jon, but with everyone going on he can’t quite tell what he’s feeling.

“Is there anyway you could make her leave?” Jon asks.

“Maybe? I didn’t really try in my apartment, didn’t want to get close enough. Even if I did, she can always come back later, and I can’t tell where she is because the windows covered in worms.”

“Is- can you make THOSE go away?”

“No, they aren’t sentient I don’t think, they just do whatever she wants.”

Another moment of silence and then,

“When I was a child-“

“Jon, stop. You don’t- I know I’m curious but you don’t have to tell me anything.”

“It doesn’t matter which one of us wants me to tell you, I should. It relates to your whole... thing. When I was eight, I found a Leitner, and it made it so I couldn’t stop reading, and made me try and- well. I don’t want to get into all of it at the present moment, but it almost made me do something that would’ve killed me. I don’t- I have no reason to believe that you’re evil, and aside from the obvious you seem entirely human, but I thought you should know I had experience with similar things before.”

Martin is- this scares him a bit. The idea that something like him almost killed Jon.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, that sounds terrible. And here I’ve been, making you my Guinea pig this whole time-“

“Its fine, I’d rather.... it’s important to me, to find ways to fight back. Besides, it was different than your general wheelhouse, I didn’t want to do it, but had no choice in the matter. I’ve been looking through the statements too, and a few seem to do with general mind control that relate more closely to my experience but still. Might be helpful when we get out.”

“Al-alright I’m- thank you Jon. It really means a lot that you trusted me with that.”

“Yes well. Knowledge is power and all of that.”

He tilts over a bit and leans against Martin who blushes.

“Sorry!”

But he doesn’t push him away, and Jon doesn’t move himself either.


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this disappeared for a hot minute, I realized it too closely mirrored another fic that is very good and has to rectify that. Apologies to the author.

Several days after the Prentiss incident (he managed to keep her away just enough to get an extinguisher on her) Jon comes back to the institute.  
  
Concern lights up in Martin “Jon? What are you doing here? You should still be resting.”  
  
Jon’s feet shuffle on the spot as he clearly fights the impulse to go back home.  
  
“I’m- now that you mention it, probably. I did- well, I was planning on getting some work done, but you I assume you won’t let me do that right now. There is uh- there was something else I was planning on doing however.”  
  
“That’s- I mean, I’m sure whatever it is could wait until you’re better, you really need to take better care of your-“  
  
He’s cut off by Jon softly pressing a kiss to his lips, and he’s to surprised to think about what’s happening outside of ‘oh no.’  
  
He grabs Jon by the shoulders and pushes him back.  
  
“What the hell was that?!?”  
  
Jon shrinks in on himself a bit.  
  
“Sorry was that- I didn’t think you’d mind.”  
  
“You thought it would- I can’t believe this, I should’ve known this would happen god I’m so STUPID-“  
  
“Martin stop it isn’t- you aren’t- this isn’t some inevitable horrible fate you’ve put upon me, I’ve just... come around I suppose.”  
  
Martin looks incredibly pale, like he’s going to pass out and muffles a little scream of frustration behind his hands.  
  
“How do you not see- okay. So you hate me for months. You’ve also told me recently you are traumatized SPECIFICALLY by mind control, something that I have no control over doing, and you are only now- after I have been in love with you for months, feeling anything similar.”  
  
“You aren’t understanding, you didn’t make me do it I’ve- I’ve been thinking a lot since the attack, and we’ve spent a lot more time together while running those tests and I’ve just- I’ve gotten to know you better, and with your devotion to- to not hurt or control people it’s- it’s admirable. I trust you.”  
  
He’s so miserable and so hopeful at the same time that his ability doesn’t know what to do with it, so he has to be the voice of reason.  
  
“Well you shouldn’t. Don’t. Trusting someone who can- you are far to smart to do that.”

“Well too bad, because I do.”

“No you don’t!”

“Yes, I do!”

“You don’t!”

“Look, if you’re so worried about controlling me then you don’t get to say what I’m feeling or not!”  
  
Martin laughs bitterly at that. The energy’s draining out of him and the prospect of continuing the conversation is killing him so Jon just. Stops arguing and goes home.

Martin decides to take the day off early he’s- he’s so tired.  
————————-  
  
Martin glares down at his phone.  
  
> I meant what I said. I’m nowhere near you, so there’s no way you’re making me say this. I really do care for you.  
  
He thinks long and hard before he decides to respond.  
  
< Even so, it isn’t a good idea.  
  
> •••  
  
>  
  
> why not? You obviously want it, and I feel the same, so what’s the issue?  
  
< just because someone wants something doesn’t mean it’s right. I understand that better than anyone.  
  
> Is that what this is about? You don’t feel like you deserve good things?  
  
< It’s about the fact that I don’t get things like that ethically. The power imbalance makes it inherently wrong.  
  
> Martin. I’m literally your boss. I have threatened to fire you before.  
  
He feels petty as he types back.  
  
< But you aren’t are you? You can’t make me do anything I don’t want to, and I can make you do anything, and you wouldn’t ever even have to know! It’d be gaslighting up to eleven!  
  
> The fact this is something you’re worried about proves that it’s not really a concern  
  
Martin almost throws his phone at the wall.  
  
< Don’t ignore your own safety! I don’t get things like that because by my nature, the other person automatically can’t consent because they have impaired judgment. It would be like date rape or something.  
  
> Is that what you’re worried about?  
  
> Martin that really isn’t a concern, I’m asexual. You can always assume I don’t want sex.  
  
< Don’t you see that makes it WORSE. What if I make you feel something that makes you feel bad?  
  
> •••  
  
> •••  
  
> I would very much rather avoid that.  
  
< Thank you!  
  
> However I trust you to respect my boundaries.  
  
< It isn’t about boundaries or trust Jon, I am just as limited as you when it comes to you wanting or not wanting things. I can’t help it.  
  
There’s a long few minutes where dread and joy twist in Martin’s stomach when he doesn’t get a response. No answer back means he’s accepted it right?  
  
> How does it work exactly? You’ve explained it before but does a lack of something do anything or....  
  
< ???  
  
> Does it function purely on what you want or does you not wanting something affect it? Such as when you’ve made me sleep, are you just not wanting me to be awake, or are you actively desiring me to be asleep? Or wanting me to stop being awake I suppose.  
  
< I have to want something to stop for it to stop, not just dislike it if that’s what you’re asking.  
  
> Ok. Good. So you not wanting to hurt me wouldn’t translate to me being incapable of expressing that you were. If we work out the consent issues would you be willing to date me?  
  
< •••  
  
< Maybe. I don’t see how we could do that. We’ve been practicing for months.  
  
> We could write out a contract ahead of time of what boundaries we each have, and since you wouldn’t be “under the influence” as it were, you could make sure they were enforced, leave the room to clear the air. We could write it together over email or something so that you can’t effect me during it.  
  
< It isn’t just about consent Jon, it’s about control. We can not have a healthy relationship if I’m the one making all the choices, even if it’s vicariously through you. The small stuff matters to, what take out we get what dates we go on, you should have a choice in all of that too, and you don’t deserve to be constantly questioning if your thoughts are your own.  
  
> We can write that stuff out ahead of time too, have a regular date night or something and write out all of our ideas, with the power to veto ones we really don’t like, and then just choose ahead of time. Flip a coin or something.  
  
> But we shouldn’t need to anyway. If I’m enjoying something small like that then it doesn’t really matter why I’m enjoying it.  
  
< Fine. You have another week or two before you can come back to work anyway, so we can iron out the details. I’m sending you a google docs link to do this with. I’m willing to test it this ONCE, if anything goes wrong I’m stopping it. I don’t want to hurt you.  
  
——————————  
  
The first date is... interesting. For a test run, they do a movie night at Jons, so that at any point Martin feels like he’s manipulating him, he can leave.  
  
“I brought you flowers.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Can I- can I hug you?” Martin asks nervously.  
  
“Yes, of course.”  
  
“Oh thank god,” he says, wrapping his arms around Jon who laughs.  
  
“I made some popcorn for us, and heated up some water. I know you’re exemplary at making tea, but I didn’t know if that’s necessarily what you wanted to drink so I got everything out just in case.”  
  
“Thank you Jon. Really. You didn’t have to do all this.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Jon gets up on his top toes and kisses Martin, who winches momentarily, before leaning into it.  
  
“To soon?”  
  
“No I just- I need time to adjust is all. It’s fine.”  
  
He makes himself a drink and sits down on the couch, Jon almost immediately making his way under Martins arm.  
  
“Is this- is this okay?”  
  
“Martin, I’m the one who crawled over here it’s fine, you don’t have to ask.”  
  
“Right sorry just... wanted to make sure.”  
  
He takes a steadying breath then smiles.  
  
“Hey. Guess what.”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I wanted to watch the princess bride.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“And we’re watching mission blue instead.”  
  
He’s beaming as he says this and is almost shaking he’s so giddy, and Jon laughs and plants a kiss to his cheek.  
  
It goes excellently for the first half.  
  
And then Jon orders dinner, and he calls for polish take out, and Martin feels like he’s going to pass out.  
  
“I thought we were going to to get Indian food.”  
  
Jon just shrugs.  
  
“Changed my mind.”  
  
“I should- I should go.”  
  
Jon gets up and grabs his arm.  
  
“Martin stop. It’s just food.”  
  
“Don’t you see I MADE you-“  
  
“Martin. Sit down. Please.”  
  
He does. He can’t deny Jon anything.  
  
“You didn’t do anything, honest. I genuinely changed my mind, I just wanted to do something nice for you. Even if you had made me, it doesn’t matter. It’s only food.”  
  
“Yeah, for NOW, what else am I going to take from you though? How long until-“  
  
“I’m allowed to do nice things for my boyfriend. It isn’t- you’re allowed to have wants Martin. It isn’t- it isn’t wrong.”  
  
“It IS though, I can’t- it’s not fair for me to-“  
  
“To be human? To have your own opinions? To have something you like every once and awhile instead of giving into other people?”  
  
“You know that’s not what I meant.”  
  
“And I don’t care. You are allowed to have your own feelings. You- you should be allowed. It isn’t healthy to not allow yourself happiness. Being happy doesn’t mean you did something wrong.”  
  
Martin just sighs and Jon sits down on his lap and grabs Martins face in his hands.  
  
“Martin. Look at me. Getting what you want doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, okay?”  
  
“But- I’m not-“  
  
“Stop. No. I want you to say it. Being happy doesn’t make you a bad person.”  
  
“Jon-“  
  
“Say it.”  
  
“Being happy doesn’t make me a bad person.”  
  
“I’m allowed to have nice things.”  
  
“I’m allowed to have nice things.”  
  
“I’m allowed to have my own desires, even if they don’t fit other peoples.”  
  
“Jon I can’t-“  
  
“Martin.”  
  
He pushes Jon off his lap.  
  
“I just- I can’t say that yet ok? I’m- I can’t.”  
  
Jon frowns, but drops it.  
  
“Fine. Okay, we can- we’ll get there eventually.”  
  
He stands up.  
  
“What’re you-“  
  
“I’m going to go make some more tea for my boyfriend, because I want to and I like him.”  
  
“I’m- you don’t have to do that just to prove a point.”  
  
“Oh I really do. How about oolong?”  
  
“I HATE oolong.”  
  
Jon smiles widely at him.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Could you make something else if you’re going to insist on doing it?”  
  
Jon let’s out a fake astonished gasp.  
  
“You’re asking me? To do something? You have preferences? How scandalous Mr. Blackwood!”  
  
Martin rolls his eyes.  
  
“Yes yes, fine. You’ve made your point, go on and make your tea,” and then, because he knows it will make Jon happy “peppermint if you have it.”  
  
Jon smiles, and goes to make it, and Martin doesn’t leave.  
  
And it carries in like this for a long time. They might never be able to move in together like normal couples, may seem far more bureaucratic about their relationship but well.  
  
It works. It really, truly does. It just takes a bit more effort is all.  
  
Maybe, if he keeps working at it like this... maybe he’ll have friends someday too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Issues of how to make consent applicable to everyone and the fact that having desires is ok are very important topics to me
> 
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-7yi-1LBS6CN-6zNEGry17dfBN3S7xppg4Ba7-32PrM/edit
> 
> ^ boundaries contract 
> 
> On a side note, if you like complex relationships that discuss how to handle situations in a healthy or unhealthy way and deals with complicated consent, I would recommend checking out Prim-the-amazing ‘s stuff.


End file.
